Okay, sorry to leave it ... 6 months between entries, guess i got caught up in other things. After re reading my last entry, i find it hard to believe i was ever that happy. Hope you're all ready for a big update becasue things have changed.
After my birthday (even though it felt more like my twin brothers birthday and i was just crashing) i got in touch with Jon through facebook. Those of you who are not familiar with jon, he was a teacher from my high school that i've been crazy about for 6 years. We got to talking about his new band and the fact that they had a gig not too far from me. He invited me and i went and yes we ended up sleeping together. Turns out he'd been looking for an excuse to meet up since we became facebook friends (thank god for the wonder of social network sites). we had a great night, i was very happy and then the next day reality came crashing down as he told me it was just a one night thing and he didnt want a relationship. His choice, fair enough, i can deal with that.
Didnt stop me from being sad though. But i wasnt sad for long. I'd met a guy called Gordon when i went back to Uni after summer. We clicked, we saw each other, we slept together, he ended it. Told me he wasnt comfortable with the age difference (he was 41). No big deal, would have been a hard one to explain to my parents anyway. There were one or two after gordon but none of them were serious. They all left me feeling dirty, used and worthless but i picked myself up and carried on scars and all.
Then there was Pete. Pete started off as a friend. I knew he liked me, its how we got talking. but i was with someone else at the time. Nevertheless we talked a lot, every day in fact and i felt so drawn to him. It was like one of those movie feelings, the "i'm not quite sure why but there's definitely something about him that im connecting with and this hasnt happened before" feeling. So i ended the other relationship and started one with him. It's been two months, and its not without his flaws. But everytime something bad happens i find myself saying "things will get better, just wait it out". He suffers from depression and on his bad days he closes everyone out, including me. He started a bad phase not long before Christmas and is still going through it. I havent heard his voice since the 17th of December and im a mess because of it. Im home for the holidays and so far away from him i dont know what to do. People keep telling me he's not worth it, if he cared about me he'd call. I'm starting to believe them. Im so confused and i spent New Years alone and crying.
But it is a New Year, and im sick of being messed around. I think ive had quite enough these past six months. Time to focus on me for a little while. Getting my body into shape, getting rid of this pathetic need for a man by my side and sorting out my life. Plus having a bit of fun too. Ive already arranged to meet up with Jon, Gordon and a few others. Enjoying yourself is not a crime, and i intend to do it.
So, thats what ive been doing, among other things. Good to be back, and its gonna be a great 2009!!!!
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